• sorry I was away, will make a post on why soon

J

JJJ

New member
#1
I am the J that 5 years ago wrote a comment on caamib's blog post (Love-shyness 1- my experience with love-shyness). Since then a lot happened in my life, for good and bad, which brings me today back to this forum.

First, I was able to get a girlfriend after countless attempts of trying through multiple apps without success. Needless to say, I did not manage to get past a first date in most occasions, and when I did it never ended in sex. However, I met this girl where there seemed to be more interest on her side than mine, and after several months of dating, and with the advice from close friends who know of my condition, I was finally able to be with her as a romantic couple.

For a period of two years I was finally no longer an incel. However, and I realize it now, it was after getting a new flat that the well dried, she was aggressive with me, even hitting me once, so I decided to stop the abuse and break up with her. We were no longer having sex, she was self-inflicting bruises and I feared one day she would try to pin on me some domestic violence accusation. Now I left her and the shared flat, in a new place but my self-confidence is gone again, I feel used and it will be another mountain to climb for me to get another girlfriend.

I recognize that some people in the forum may have never had sex and I may understand that they may not see me as pure as they are, but if that is the case is because I followed some simple steps:
1. Information. I read Mistery's method and other materials to pick up women. Most of the tecniques I was not capable of using (like the 3 seconds rule), but still it gave me a better idea on women than I had before.
2. Desensitivization. I forced myself to go on dates, even with girls I know I would not like, those were even better because I did not care about the outcome and helped me build confidence. Next step, which I consider crucial, was to have sex with escorts, several times with different women, even with two women at the same time, until I lost the nervousness and shakiness I previously suffered.
3. Fake it always, lose the "high morality". I have always had to fake having had sex already (but I did it first with an escort at 26), and not telling anyone except my closest of friends that I knew I could count on to help me in faking it. I felt bad a lot of times about my actions, but it was a self-limiting belief not bound in reality but in my head, since being nice doesn't win you anything in life.

Having said that, I am now in a bad place but it is only me who was the power to make a difference. It saddens me that this community is associated with disturbed individuals and there is no effort from society to understand us, but it does not surprise me. My point is that the suffering is ongoing, I know it's for life, but I'll do what it takes to at least improve my situation even if it means putting on a normal guy's mask from now until I die.
 

JJJ

New member
#3
33. I would say that this does not imply anything, as I only had one true sexual partner, I am still working to find ways to overcome my limitations but I feel I will never succeed. Additionally there is a huge gap between my success in other areas in life and my romantic one, as supposedly women should be attracted to me by my status but if they are I am oblivious to it. I am perfectly capable of closing sales in business to my advantage but I have yet not been able to close a normal girl in a bar and go home with her. So my point is faking it works behaviourally to not lose face with friends and work colleagues, using escorts works to desensitivize one to actual sex and finally using dating apps works to create a relationship by avoiding the actual live approach process through the use of a more distanced channel. It's a ton of work but I hope it will work for a second time.
 
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